aka George A. Romero’s Survival Of The Dead
90 min., 2009
Written by George A. Romero
Directed by George A. Romero
My rating: ★
What happens when an old director, CGI and zombies meet.
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I love zombie movies just as much as the next horror fan. But there comes a time in every director’s life where they should just get up from the director’s chair and walk away. Run away fast, in this case. Romero really did make the zombie genre into what it is today. I will always think of him in high regards for that, but just stop. For the love of zombie movies, just stop!!!!!
Let’s just start with the characters. Sarge Crocket is the normal military leader, tough, takes a bad situation and turns it good, good shot, knowledgeable…wait a sec. I am completely wrong. This guy doesn’t know shit and is pretty much a farmer in a military uniform. Tomboy is, I guess, a tough woman, except when she has to fight anyone. The Boy is a perfect example of the young being able to be on the same level as the adults. FAIL!!!!! The only reason he’s in the movie is to sell shit (look at my cool phone) and show how much Romero has moved into the modern age (records suck). Then there are the two rival clans – the O’Flynns and the Muldoons. They are fighting for one of the dumbest reasons: if the dead are still people or not. Is that really a question? NOOOOOO!!!!!! All it takes is one zombie to continue the cycle. The only way to stop the zombies is to kill all of the dead. End of argument. Let’s talk about the other characters…no, wait, it’s not just worth the time or effort.
Another thing I don’t understand is why is it that all of the characters in this movie are awesome shots (head shot after head shot after head shot), until they have to fire at each other, then they shoot about five feet from the target. Also, since when do people die from being shot in the right shoulder? When did that area become an instant death spot?
The effects are what really kill me. All of them (well, almost all) are just complete CGI bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, when CGI is done right it is really awesome. But CGI like this just makes all the effects look bad. A bullet shot to the head used to look really cool. Now it just looks over-the-top fake. The head that explodes in the beginning looks like a five-year-old using Flash animation. Shit is what the effects of the movie are, just total shit. On the upside there is one really fun effect: the scalping scene.
Why is it that now there is an over reliance on the comedic kill? Kills used to be gory, over-the-top violent, and inventive. Now there is a “need” to have a bunch of funny kills throughout modern horror. I really just don’t understand the need. It seems that tension can’t run through a whole movie now; there has to be a tension breaker somewhere. Maybe this is why there hasn’t been any really scary movies (when I say scary, I mean ones that keep you awake at night, not just “gross” movies) in recent years.
One of the good things of the film are that (unlike most zombie movies today) zombies don’t just come from being bitten, they come from being dead. Any kind of dead. The other plus is that…nope, nothing else good. Sorry.
Mr. Romero should just stop making zombie films. End of story.Have You Read...?