The Drudgeon reviews Nail Gun Massacre

Nail Gun Massacreaka The Nail Gun Massacre
85 min., 1985
Written by Terry Lofton
Directed by Bill Leslie/Terry Lofton
Language: English
My rating: ★★★

Sex, chop wood or kill people with a high powered nail gun…what should I do? Probably chop wood.

* * *

The plot is the same as most of its kind. Girl gets raped, unknown person stalks and kills rapists, the identity is revealed, and the two heroes walk off into the sunset (no joke, they really do). Is there anything wrong with this type of plot? Not really. It’s been done before and will continue to be repeated. Maybe it’s a little stale, but no one ever complains that Bond movies are really all the same, or that all the sport underdog movies are all the same, so let’s not start saying that about this type of plot. In reality, most of the movies out there come from one overused device or another, so I really can’t justify saying that I don’t like the plot. Anyway, revenge plots are always fun.

Most of the characters in this movie really make me wanna cry. How can you explain the two guys playing with “live” nail guns like they were toy guns? How about the guy that would rather go chop wood with his male friend than have sex with his naked girlfriend? I don’t think there are many men out there that would turn down sex to go chop wood. Don’t forget the sheriff that says to just leave a dead body almost in the middle of the sidewalk because “it ain’t goin’ nowhere”. Really? Let’s not think about people or kids who might just happen to walk by and see a dead body. Apparently no one will care. All of the rest of the characters were never really developed so really nothing can be said about them.  No big loss…trust me!

The effects of the movie really show the budget that they had to work with. The wounds look really badly done with most of the blood looking like it’s from a two year old’s finger-paint set. The nail gun also shoots “invisible” nails that have magic stopping abilities (a nail through the hand into the pavement will stop any man from going anywhere, right?).

Mistakes in this movie are crazy on the noticeable scale. The police badge changing sides, the man that “dies” on a grill and pushes himself off of the gate he’s leaning toward, the dead people that are still breathing (very noticeably), the fact that the killer is “invisible” even when walking beside and in front of someone, and lastly I’ll just bring up the rape scene, where the girl is getting raped…with her pants still on.

Now the dialogue is where the movie either suffers tremendously or bounds forward with entertainment (viewer’s choice). Taken from a serious point of view, almost all of the dialogue is complete crap and is easily laughed at, but…maybe that is where the fun lies. Sometimes watching a movie with a bad script and terrible (yet sometimes extremely entertaining) one liners delivered by the killer is just a hoot to watch.

Sometimes not.

This movie will definitely have its own niche of people who love to watch and poke fun at it. I do fall into that category and really do love watching this movie. From the standpoint of a serious review this movie is pretty much a giant “fuck you.” But to me, on the fun side, it is definitely up to a 3.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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3 Responses to The Drudgeon reviews Nail Gun Massacre

  1. John Bruni says:

    And people say Ed Wood made bad movies . . . .

  2. Douche McDouche says:

    No, no, you misunderstand. The guy was actually raping a PORTAL which led to the victim’s vagina. That’s how you do it.

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