The Drudgeon reviews Cradle Of Fear

Cradle Of Fear 120 min., 2001
Written by Alex Chandon
Directed by Alex Chandon
Language: English
My rating: ★★★★

Truly a top notch T&A Z-grade flick of epic proportions.

* * *

Our movie starts with a man (Dani Filth) walking through a foggy (or smoky) alley, and then he shadow chokes (?) some bum, who in turn barfs. Then two guys beat him up, but the rips out one of their throats and rips the other’s head in half. Blood sprays, a face is stomped and he lets out a howl. From there we come upon our first of four stories linked by this “man,” a detective who likes to touch dead bodies and a man in insane asylum named Kemper.

The first story is about two girls at a club and one of them picks up this unnamed man.  They go back to her place and have sex, when his “true form” is kinda revealed. The next morning she feels funny and oh boy, you really have to see it to believe it.

The second story begins with another two girls breaking and entering. They start looking through the place for something, which turns out to be money, and then an old man attacks them. They fight back and end up killing him. The story doesn’t end there, but there will be no spoilers.

Third on the list is about a couple that likes to drive and snort coke, hit hitchhikers and then drive away, and have sex. The man has a leg and a half, which is a turn-on for his woman (to the point where she licks it), but he hates not having his other leg half. So he ends up going to look for a new one.

The last of the inner stories is about a man who is so obsessed with real violence that he watches online; it leads him to some crazy (and kinda cool) web sites and then into a downward spiral after he is cut off.

This movie is really a smorgasbord of boobs, blood, asses, bad sound effects, guts, a whole lots more boobs and blood, and God it’s great, while at the same time completely terrible.

The acting is really sub par through out the movie, but some of the parts actually have really good acting going on. Part 4 has overall the best acting.  Sorry to say this, but Dani Filth can’t act to save his life.

The effects work surprisingly well, they look fake but at the same time they fit what’s going on to a T. Some of the best effects are when the girl in segment one is walking down the street and she starts seeing fucked up things walking around her. Some are subtle, while others are over the top and it all works, just awesome. Also, the people who are puking in this movie are actually throwing up, which is just pain cool.

Pretty much anyone who starts to watch this movie will think the same thing as me: what a piece of shit! But you give it half an hour and it’s like, okay, it’s not so bad. Give it an hour, and you forgive that it is shot on VHS and you realize that there is actually something really good here. After an hour and a half you really get a feel for what’s really going on. By the end, it all fits perfectly together. They were doing what they could and it really works. Some movies with no budget never actually try to make anything great and just settle for okay. These guys really push themselves to the limit of their budget and go the extra mile to make one fucking fun movie. Not everyone will look at this and see something great, but try (I mean really try). Look past its flaws and you will find a hidden gem (really a fucking diamond) of a truly unique movie. Great and terrible, shit and awesome, genius and madhouse, all rolled into one makes me a really happy person. Thanks. Please, horror community, continue to make movies like this.

Favorite Quote
Old Man: “My tin!”

Worst Quote
Old Man: “My tin!”

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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