The Drudgeon reviews Colonel Kill Motherfuckers

Colonel Kill Motherfuckers 71 min., 2008
Written by Kevin Strange
Directed by Kevin Strange
Language: English
My rating: ★★★★★

No super stars, no big name directors, just pure salad tossing fun!

* * *

The movie begins with a soldier walking down the road, who then pulls out a piece of paper that says:

Dear Jack Scabtree,

This notice hearby says your kicked out of the army, yo.  For being a sick fucking freak serial killer.  Go home and kill your not gonna be doing that shit on our watch anymore.

Fuck off
The army

It then has four friends in an SUV, when one of them pisses in an apple juice bottle and gives it to one of the others. When he realizes what he’s drinking, he throws it out of the window, which hits the soldier in the head, causing him to fall down. They go check on him and in the process they are killed. Cut to the soldier coming home to his mother, boy is she fucked up, who is overjoyed that he is home. She tells him that he gets to bathe her, but first she needs some booze. Then we meet the main characters of the movie, which begins with a great speech about gaming and ends with one of them asking, “Yeah but how big can I make my troll ninja’s dick?”

The characters remind me of some people that I actually know, to the point of being creepy. We have Nickolas (Andrew Varble) who is the DM and probably the most level headed of the group. There is Robinson (Erik A. Williams) who is the total spaz of the group. Then there are the two Buffy fans, Wilhelm (Kevin Strange) and Nancy (Katie Deerest). Next is Jannet (Tanya Fox) who is really bored with the life they have been leading. Lastly we have Jables (Tim O’Saben), who is my personal favorite, the overly sexual one of the group, who teaches us all about tossing salad, thanks for informing me of that guys. It’s great to learn, ’cause knowledge is power!

As far as the effects go, you really have to understand what they we working with, pretty much nothing. So what they did works very well, and fits what you are watching. Don’t expect awesome CG or Tom Savini level effects, you need to take it for what it is, just a lot of fun.

This movie is a true blast to watch. Everything about this is just awesome and fun. Anything that has Fecal Fortune and Vaginal Voodoo is great in my book. It really shows that budget means absolutely nothing to make a good movie. Some may disagree, and say the movie sucks, and what is the point of making a movie, if it’s not the best, but to them I say, bite me!! I can watch this movie once every month and not get bored because it’s that much fun to watch. Go watch it and support them at Hackmovies.com.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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One Response to The Drudgeon reviews Colonel Kill Motherfuckers

  1. John Bruni says:

    No, seriously. I want to know the answer. What about the troll ninja’s dick?

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