The Drudgeon reviews The Fourth Kind

The Fourth Kind 98 min., 2009
Written by Olatunde Osunsanmi/Terry Lee Robbins
Directed by Olatunde Osunsanmi
Language: English
My rating: ★

This movie is, in the immortal words of Penn & Teller…BULLSHIT!!!

* * *

To begin, this movie is real. I swear it is, because they tell us about a billion times and if Milla Jovovich tells me that it’s real, they it must be, right?

Dr. Abigail Tyler starts doing regression therapy on some of her patients. The first one flips out and kills his family and himself. The next one flips out as well, and then she starts thinking that something is up. Blah blah blah, more regression and her hearing a tape of herself screaming, blurry camera footage, and finally we get to see the aliens. Oh wait, we don’t…

Pros

The only thing of value about this movie is a few still frames taken from each regression. Some of them look really cool and could have been very effective if put into a better movie.

Cons

EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

The acting sucks so hard, no one in this movie can act. None of them seem to care or even take this shit serious, which is understandable. Milla pretty much whispers through out the whole movie, which is supposed to show…well I don’t know. It’s just stupid. The blind daughter (she self chose to be blind after her father died…?) doesn’t really talk, so much as she squeaks. The son is really the only voice of reason in the movie, but even that just doesn’t fit, he seems to smart or level headed for his age. With the cop (Will Patton), there is acting with little to no effort involved, there was nothing going on in his head, he acted more like a zombie than a cop (he’s no fucking Michael Rooker, for damn sure).

As a fan of the “found footage” genre of movies, this one was just a real let down. Going back to Cannibal Holocaust, which to my knowledge is the first found footage movie, to The Blair Witch Project, which pushed the genre into everyone’s laps, to the new types like Paranormal Activity (which sucked almost as bad as this), the genre has gone from actual believable footage and acting to movies that are just poor attempts at jump scares and shitty acting.

God this movie just pissed me off so much! This movie is below even a skull. Fuck this movie! Go shove pins under your fingernails, jump naked into a pool of razor blades and rubbing alcohol or shove your face in a blender, instead of watching this movie, as it’s sounds more fun than this. FUCK THIS MOVIE!!!!! AGGHHH!!!!

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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2 Responses to The Drudgeon reviews The Fourth Kind

  1. Quick question: so do you recommend the movie? Heh. Yeah, this was terrible, and they made a big mistake with… well, pretty much everything. To start, don’t have actors introducing themselves, just make a goddamned found-footage movie, or use the format where you hire actors to play fictional characters. PICK ONE! I’d seen what I didn’t know at the time was the only mildly scary moment in a very short clip, then was a big enough idiot that day to rent the movie. BIG BIG MISTAKE. I don’t think I felt quite the same intense level of hatred of the movie as you did, but I did hate myself for ignoring a bunch of red flags and sitting through it.

    • Lackey says:

      I actually think that contrasting the “found footage” with the “recreations” could have worked if done correctly.

      Unfortunately there were huge holes in the production, things that should have been caught that weren’t, that prevented me from accepting the story as being “true.” (The best example I can think of is using fake names for the victims yet showing their faces unobscured, something a competent documentarian would never do.) Yet the filmmakers seemed to believe that all they needed to do was to bring out Jovovich playing herself and claim that the footage was real (using condescending language such as “What you believe…[five second pause]…is up to you”) and the audience would automatically suspend disbelief. I considered that an insult to my intelligence.

      Anyway, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment.

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