The Drudgeon reviews Vampiyaz

Vampiyaz 83 min., 2004
Written by Z. Winston Brown
Directed by Z. Winston Brown
Language: English
My rating: ★

My soul really hurts right now

* * *

The movie begins briefly with a man walking into an apartment when a female vampire jumps him. It quickly jumps to two “friends” going to rob someone’s house. They peer into the room that has the safe, you see the main character Jakeem (Richard Carroll Jr.) is a safecracker, and the man who the house belongs to. The man is sleeping in some pink footy pajamas and a pink bonnet (no I’m not even joking), and has the key needed to open the safe around his neck. Jakeem proceeds to open the safe and as they are leaving the man wakes up and pulls a gun. The gun ends up misfiring and Jakeem’s “friend” shoots the man. They drive away and Jakeem is really messed up about what just happened. While scolding his “friend” Khalil (Malik Burke), he accidently hits a girl. Jakeem gets out to check on her, and after about five minutes of Khalil bitching that they “have to get up outta here”, he finally has enough and shoot Jakeem and drives off. Khalil gets back and ends up getting bit by a vampire. Jakeem goes to jail for seven or eight years (it keeps changing). He gets out and finds the girl he hit Stacey (Lila Blake Palmer) is now in a wheelchair and he also finds that Khalil has been turned into a vampire. What is he to do?

There is so much wrong with this movie that I don’t know where to begin. The effects are some of the worst that I’ve ever seen. A man gets shot while on the floor and the blood comes from off the screen towards his head, not from it. To have the vampire run fast, they just pressed fast forward (no joke). The fangs are obviously store bought plastic pieces. One of the most painful is that most of the weapons used are just kids’ plastic toys.

The acting is just terrible. Everyone, with the exception of Richard Carroll Jr., is complete shit and has no idea how to act. It’s just sad in every respect. Now Richard is actually surprisingly good. If you took him and placed him into a good movie, I think he’d actually flourish and he could move up to the big leagues of acting. Sadly he is stuck with all of the other crappy actors and terrible dialogue.

Stay away at all costs and if you do come across a copy, please burn it or just break it. It will destroy a good hour and a half of your life. I’m gonna go cry now.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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3 Responses to The Drudgeon reviews Vampiyaz

  1. Lackey says:

    Vam-pi-yaz
    Vam-pi-yaz
    My heart’s on fire
    for vam-pi-yaz

  2. John Bruni says:

    I hear the director is working on a sequel . . . . I hope it’s called VAMPIYAZ 2: VAMPIYAZ HARDER.

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