The Drudgeon reviews Blood Monkey

Blood Monkey 88 min., 2007
Written by George LaVoo/Gary Dauberman
Directed by Robert Young
Language: English
My rating: ★★

Bad monkey! Now I’m gonna have to kick your caboodle!

* * *

You see there is a bunch of twenty somethings that are going to Thailand to meet Professor Hamilton (F. Murray Abraham) and get some infield practice. They get there and the professor turns out to be a total dick. Then there is his assistant, Chenne (Prapimporn Karnchanda), who, because she is Asian, likes to kick things. She takes all of their cell phones because Hamilton doesn’t want there to be a leak about the information they might find. They are supposed to be heading into uncharted territories, but why is there a bunch of other people’s stuff at the site, and why is Mr. Hamilton and Chenne burying a body that showed up from nowhere?

This movie has all the workings of a great horror movie. It takes place in a secluded area, with a lot of bodies for killing. It has the complete asshole villain, and it even has a big bad monster. So where did it all go wrong? Was it the acting, the effects, or was it the overall story?

One thing wrong is the acting. Everyone just doesn’t seem to care about anything. You have F. Murray Abraham (about the only decent actor) who is barking orders to a bunch of kids (yes, they aren’t kids, but it’s easier to say kids than twenty somethings. Crap I just did!). The kids get angry and know that they are being lied to. But do they do anything about it? Hell no! When they are told to do something, they just shrug their shoulders and do it. Let’s not take into account that they could just walk away, or at least say no. No of course not.

The other is the effects and they are just okay. They were made on a TV budget and I shouldn’t expect the best, but man some of them are just terrible. Okay almost all of them are crap, but hey what do you expect from the Sci-Fi Channel. So just realize the effects you are getting into before you watch.

If you decide to watch this movie (why you would I really don’t know) but if you do, just remember that you shouldn’t be looking for greatness. Expect a Sci-Fi Channel movie, which is rotten effects, over the top acting or no attempt to act at all, and a plot that starts out pretty good and then turns to complete shit halfway through. It can be fun to watch if you’re in the mood to yell at the screen and stuff your face with popcorn. Other than that, you may want to stay away.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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2 Responses to The Drudgeon reviews Blood Monkey

  1. John Bruni says:

    Be careful. You can’t trust F. Murray Abraham. He killed Mozart, you know.

    • Lackey says:

      I can never see F. Murray Abraham in anything without flashing back to the mid-’80s SNL sketch about the 1986 People magazine Sexiest Man Alive, with Mark Harmon as himself, Jon Lovitz as FMA and Dana Carvey as John Travolta…

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