82 min., 2005
Written by Kraig X. Wenman
Directed by Andy Lauer
My rating: ★
Now this was a hard movie to not laugh at (and not because it was funny)
* * *
Two men pull up into a town, getting out they leave their (I don’t know if they were a gay couple or if they just left their wives at home) kids in the truck. They walk up to another man who breaks a chicken’s neck and drops it on a door leading to an underground tunnel system. They enter and then they show a man (Steve Railsback) drop some blood out of an amulet. Ghosts start to appear and they kill the two men. We then jump forward 18 years later and the two children are grown up. Malik (Edward Furlong) and Gen (Cerina Vincent) are now living together and along with Gen’s boyfriend Wes (Callard Harris) and Malik’s girlfriend Barbie (Amber Benson who had a broken leg at the time of shooting) they go to the same tunnel where their parents died. They are going to meet up with two drug dealers to score some really good pot. When they enter the tunnels the really weird stuff starts to happen.
So this is just a rotten movie on every front. The story is stupid, the acting is atrocious, the effects are complete shit and the direction, lighting and locations are all lame. Cerina Vincent is okay, being the only one that actually is taking this shit seriously, but that doesn’t make her great by any stretch. Edward Furlong is the king when it comes to overacting. Every time he talks or makes an action his whole body just seems to go into seizure-like spasms, with arms flying around and even his legs are jerking all over the place. When he is trying to get everyone to quiet down, he does this strange finger on the lips shhhhhh, but his body is positioned like he’s about to take a shit and he is moving his whole body in a jerking motion back and forth. All that to make people be quiet, even thou he is being louder then they were to begin with. Now that is just bad acting.
The effects are some of the worst that I’ve seen. When Amber Benson’s character dies, by a saw blade cutting through her body, the CG used is beyond bad. I’ve complained about effects looking like it’s done by 3rd graders, but this is even worse than that. The effects seem like they use power point to get them done instead of a half way decent program. It’s like they let a baby use Mario Paint on the SNES or a Sega Pico to generate the effects. It’s really that bad. Then we have scenes where characters are supposed to be crawling into a hole through a trap door, but the problem seems to be that no one actually dug any sort of hole, so we have Edward Furlong “act” like he’s going down this hole when you can see him just laying down and his head sticking out from above the door. Just pathetic! Then we can’t forget the “Karl” T-shirt that Cerina Vincent is wearing that is flipped horizontally during one scene (thank you Lackey). How do you let something like that slide? It’s quite obvious. It just seems like they didn’t care at all about the effects.
To wrap up this disaster of a movie I’ll just say or ask. WHY? Why on Earth do they make crap like this? It’s only worth watching if you MST3K it, but after about thirty minutes of the movie you just get bored with the screw ups and bad acting that it just stops being funny to even make fun of, and that’s bad.
By the way, who the fuck is Karl?!Have You Read...?