aka Trolls, Troll II
95 min., 1990
Written by Rossella Drudi/Drake Floyd
Directed by Drake Floyd
My rating: ★★
Some of the worst dialogue and acting I’ve ever seen! But somehow it’s still fun!
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Troll 2 picks up right after the events of Troll. Wait…no it doesn’t. In fact it has nothing to do with the first movie at all. So this story revolves around the Waits family. It starts with young Joshua Waits (Michael Stephenson) listening to a story about goblins told to him by his Grandpa Seth (Robert Ormsby). After the story Joshua is freaked bout about goblins and his mother Diana (Margo Prey) enters the room. She wonders what is going on and that’s when we find out that Grandpa Seth has been dead for a little while, but Joshua still sees him (could this have been a precursor to The Sixth Sense, seeing dead people and all?). We jump to another room, where Joshua’s sister Holly (Connie McFarland) is working out. Her boyfriend shows up and they talk about how much her father hates him, but it’s going to be great that he is coming with them to the country. The next morning their father, Michael (George Hardy) reminds everyone that they are going to the country to switch homes with another family to see what it’s like to live a different lifestyle. They get to the town of Nilbog, meet the family and look at the house. The dad brings up hospitality after seeing the feast that is prepared on the table. They all sit down to eat, except for Joshua who is talking to Grandpa Seth again. After their talk he pees on the feast because Grandpa Seth is warning him that they are going to turn into goblin food if they eat any of the food. You see the goblins are vegetarians, and upon eating/drinking the special food humans turn into a human/plant thing and therefore are okay to eat.
The acting in this movie is incredibly stiff. Okay I shouldn’t necessarily say stiff. It’s more like wet cardboard. Everyone is stiff, but at the same time they are just reading lines. The best case of this is with Connie McFarland. She is amazingly stiff with her performance and her lines are way too thought out as she recites them, but at the same time it just feels so watered down. It’s really hard to explain, and you should just watch her to fully understand. On the opposite side is Deborah Reed as Creedence Leonore Gielgud. She is the only person in this movie that really understands exactly what is going on in this movie. She hams it up so much that it’s a pleasure to see her every time she is on the screen. All of her movements and every time she speaks, even when it’s about the Stonehenge Magic Stone, she just takes it that extra cheesy mile, it’s great.
One thing that did surprise me about this movie was the effects. Overall they are actually pretty good. Nothing great, but considering how much this movie is talked about being complete shit, most of the effects are well thought out and they usually work. My favorite is the effects that are used on the boy in the plant pot. The roots going in and out of his legs work really well. Now don’t get me wrong, some of the effects are really bad, and the goblin costumes look incredibly silly. With the good comes the bad.
So what can I say about the Best Worst Movie ever. It’s a lot like Spookies. It’s a bad movie, but it’s far from the worst that I’ve come across. Yes the acting is bad (except for Deborah Reed), the dialogue is terrible and the effects are pretty lame, but I’ve seen a lot worse on all fronts. Now is it a fun movie? Yes it is, that is if you can just relax and take it for what it is. It’s fun for a few reasons. You can mock it and never feel bad about it, or you can actually watch the movie and see the crazy places that it goes. There will be a few times where you are wondering what the characters are thinking. A perfect example of that is near the end when the townspeople have the family trapped in the house and they just stand outside. The family has nothing to defend themselves and instead of rushing the house, they just stand outside patiently waiting. Really? Arrgh! Now I have one question for everyone. So the goblins are vegetarians, right? But if you take a cow and alter its DNA to make it a plant, aren’t you still eating a cow? Yes it’s not meat anymore, but just because you change a cow into a plant cow, aren’t you still eating a fucking cow? I just don’t get it.Have You Read...?