The Drudgeon reviews The Amityville Haunting

The Amityville Haunting 86 min., 2011
Written by
Directed by Geoff Meed
Language: English
My rating: ★

The Amityville series just got worse, and I didn’t think it was possible.

* * *

The movie begins with a minor retelling of the original story of The Amityville Horror.  After that we see four twenty-somethings breaking into the famous house where they start their sexual shenanigans, but they end up getting killed off screen.  We then meet the next family that is going to live in the house, the Bensons, father and mother Douglas and Virginia (Jason Williams and Amy Van Horne), oldest daughter Lori (Nadine Crocker), camera-carrying son Tyler (Devin Clark) and young daughter Mel (Gracie Largent).  The problems begin right away when the woman who is showing them the house dies in the driveway because of an aneurysm.  Then the next day one of the movers falls down the stairs and dies.  Over the next few days they start to experience strange things like doors opening by themselves, Mel talking to an imaginary friend and strange creaking noises.  Is the house still haunted by any of the family that was killed years before, or are they just overreacting to a house still settling?

For the most part this movie has really shitting acting.  Yes I understand that they aren’t supposed to be actors and that they are supposed to come off as “normal” people, but instead of getting that feel all I got was people trying too hard or not trying at all.  Throughout the movie Amy Van Horne just didn’t seem like she gave a crap about what she was doing and even during the scenes where she was supposed to be scared, she still came off as bored.  The kids were just what you would expect from kids of their age.  Young ones overdo it and the older ones are trying to take it serious and come off as real, but they sound way too “prepared”.  The only real good actor of the movie would be Jason Williams.  He wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination great (especially when he gets stabbed), but I think with some actual good dialogue and some competent people behind the camera he could actually go somewhere.

The effects of the movie are very low budget, but that’s kinda what I expected.  Then again there is a scene where a guy gets electrocuted and it is very painfully 60’s effects that are being used and it was impossible for me not to break out laughing.  That aside, the effects were just okay.  They didn’t hang on anything for too long for you to really tell just how terrible or great they were, which was smart on their part.  After about twenty shots of the camera going to black in the middle of a scene I really started to hate it.  The first few times were okay, but in an 80 minute movie where about 30 minutes were black screen and you couldn’t make out what they were saying is just really stupid.

The one question that boggles me right now is that supposedly this is based in the real world, but as far as I can tell the ghost that is haunting the house is Ronny DeFeo Jr. (it’s also listed on the IMDB page), but the biggest problem with that is that Ronny is still alive.  How can they even remotely claim that this is real when they don’t even do that little bit of research?  This one is probably the worst found-footage movie that I’ve ever seen.  I wouldn’t suggest this movie to someone that has no sight and hearing, because I’d be afraid that the crap would just seep through their pores and into their soul.  It has that much power of terribleness.  The best part of the movie should have been the end, right?  Sadly if you do end up watching this, pay attention to the “coroner’s reports” at the end, they actually don’t know how to spell.  It’s really sad when you have a movie that doesn’t know how to spell “extreme”, and it’s not just a onetime screw up.  Every time it’s there, it’s spelled wrong.  Now that’s fucking lazy “wrating”.  There is so much more about this movie that I hated but it’s just not worth my time to write it down because my fingers hurt from typing so hard.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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4 Responses to The Drudgeon reviews The Amityville Haunting

  1. John Bruni says:

    This sounds awful. Hollywood just doesn’t know when to let a franchise go. This horse is deader than the one Pierce Brosnan jumps out of in SERAPHIM FALLS.

  2. Hunter says:

    As I too have also watched The Amityville Haunting, I wanted to offer a second, more positive take on this movie.

    It’s not a ba……..

    It’s actually a pretty go……

    The acting was not as ba……

    No. No. Sorry. This was a complete and utter sin against my senses. This movie was so bad, other really bad movies won’t even acknowledge it’s existence. In my all knowing and always correct opinion, the only found-footage movie within the last 15 years that was any good was The Blair Witch Project. I feel that by watching this shitstain of a “film”, I have allowed my precious time to be brutally ass raped, defecated on, and left to rot in a dumpster.
    I’m sorry, time. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t ask for that. It wasn’t your fault.
    For the love of whatever god or gods you believe in, PLEASE do not allow yourself to be time raped by this dick-cheese of a “movie”. Watch something else. In fact, I’ll even recommend something for you to watch that’s infinitely better then this demonically rejected piece of ass cream……

    Watch Twilight.

    I’m serious. This movie is SO FUCKING BAD, I’m encouraging you to watch a tale about a sparkling “vampire”, and his expressionless, co-dependent girlfriend. Please. I beg you! Choose Twilight….hell, choose ALL THE FUCKING TWILIGHT MOVIES over this diarrhea gargling, menstrual stain of a “flick”.

    Oh, and Twilight, don’t get too comfortable. I still hate your fucking guts.

  3. Lackey says:

    Amityville and the Asylum…two great tastes that go great together.

    Whenever I hear an Asylum movie is on the docket, I have to suppress the urge to call you guys and ask, “Do you just want me to go ahead and give it a skull now, or are you actually going to watch it first?”

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