The Drudgeon reviews Children Of The Corn V – Fields Of Terror

Children Of The Corn V - Fields Of Terror 83 min., 1998
Written by Ethan Wiley
Directed by Ethan Wiley
Language: English
My rating: ★

More like Fields Of Stupid.

* * *

The movie begins with a boy named Ezekial (Adam Wylie) walking through a corn field when he finds a flame.  He is shot with something and he falls unconscious.  Later he levitates a man into the sky who is then struck by lightning and then the man’s wife is attacked by some kids.  Next we meet four teens (twenty-somethings), Allison (Stacy Galina), Greg (Alex Arquette), Kir (Eva Mendes) and Tyrus (Greg Vaughan).  They are taking Kir’s boyfriend’s ashes to his old town of Divinity Falls.  Allison is also looking for her brother, Jacob (Dave Buzzotta) who is also in the town.  They meet Ezekial and some of the other kids after they accidently drive into a ditch.  Once in the town they find out about a man named Luke (David Carradine) who has taken in a bunch of kids including Jacob.  Allison decides to go there and try to talk to Luke about her brother.  We find out that Jacob is part of the cult that follows He Who Walks Behind The Rows and their leader seems to be Luke.  Can Allison save her brother from Luke or will He Who Walks Behind The Rows claim the lives of her and her friends?

Usually I would bitch about the acting at this point but the surprise is that the acting isn’t all that bad.  It’s the characters that actually suck.  All of the actors play their parts well enough but the dialogue is just terrible.  The way that the characters interact is just wonky and they tend to do some of the most awkward things.  For starters we have Kir who has just lost her boyfriend but only after a few days she already is sleeping with Tyrus and checking out one of the teens among the COTC group.  That really doesn’t sound like someone who is grieving does it?  All the characters just seem to do the strangest things and I just couldn’t get into anything they did.

The effects of the movie are just okay.  Overall they are pretty lame and look really silly, but then every once in a while a great one sneaks in.  The best example of this is with the head splitting scene.  The beginning of the scene is pretty lame but then the head actually cracks open and it looks great and it’s scenes like that that make this movie almost bearable.

This movie was a rollercoaster ride of terrible things.  Even the best parts of the ride were still pretty bad.  The acting was okay but the fact that the characters were just so awkward and unbelievable made any work that the actors put into it just disappear.  Even Fred Williamson, who played the sheriff, and Kane Hodder, who played a bartender, couldn’t even help this movie.  The effects were pretty lame except for a few shining moments but once one of those moments goes away you look at the screen and beg for another good effect and by the time that comes you are about to kill yourself.  But the worst part of the movie is how they handle He Who Walks Behind The Rows.  HWWBTR wasn’t even in the cornfield.  He was in a fucking silo.  So shouldn’t he be named He Who Walks In Circles In A Silo?  Then you have the way that HWWICIAS is killed (or defeated).  With fertilizer.  With FUCKING FERTILIZER!!!!  Do I really need to say any more about this movie?

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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One Response to The Drudgeon reviews Children Of The Corn V – Fields Of Terror

  1. John Bruni says:

    In other news (and this will speak to the DRAG RACE fan within you): Alex Arquette is now Alexis. Yep. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis_Arquette

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