The Drudgeon reviews Children Of The Corn 666 – Isaac’s Return

Children Of The Corn 666 - Isaac's Return 82 min., 1999
Written by Tim Sulka/John Franklin
Directed by Kari Skogland
Language: English
My rating: ★

He Who Walks Behind The Rows is now officially dead.

* * *

We begin with a girl named Hannah Martin (Natalie Ramsey) driving towards Gatlin.  She is going there because she is adopted and apparently she is originally from Gatlin and she wants to find out more about her past and her parents.  While driving she sees a man on the side of the road who seems to be having some car troubles.  She stops and decides to give him a ride.  The man seems to be a preacher and is named Zachariah (Gary Bullock).  After some talking and a bit of an argument because Zachariah tells her that she will have a child and she won’t have a choice, the man disappears.  She drives off the road and it just happens that a cop saw it.  The cop, named Cora (Alix Koromzay), approaches Hannah and gets her license.  Upon looking at the license she suddenly starts acting really nice to Hannah and even takes her to the local doctor, Dr. Michaels (Stacy Keach).  There is some trouble with one of the people at the hospital and that allows Hannah to start looking around.  As she does she meets mentally troubled Jake (William Prael), smooth and swave Gabriel (Paul Popowich) and a comatose Isaac (John Franklin), but upon touching Isaac he suddenly opens his eyes.  Now that Isaac is back does this mean that the prophecy will be fulfilled?

Holy crap what the hell happened to John Franklin?  In the original Children Of The Corn he was great.  He had power in his voice and the confidence that he had almost made me a believer, but this time around he was just pathetic.  I don’t know if that is what they were going for, but it is just a shame that this is what has become of a great villain.  Next we have Natalie Ramsey as our lead character and with that title you had better be at least a decent actor.  Sadly she doesn’t have an ounce of acting talent.  The worst of the worst, when it comes to her, is when she is yelling for people to stop (or anytime she is yelling period).  She sounds like a five year old screaming about her toy being taken away.  There is no fear, just the sound of annoyance, kinda how I feel about this whole movie.

The effects of the movie are really low end.  There are a few standouts, like when Isaac cuts a girl in half, but other than that there’s not really much to bring up.  It really seems that very little time and effort was put into the effects and that does hurt a movie like this, where there is a story but it’s just not enough to keep anyone interest.  It’s really sad that by number six they still haven’t gotten their shit together.

Bad acting plus bad effects plus bad story plus bad ending equals shit movie.  With that being said I just want to bring up the worst of the worst when it comes to this movie.  All of the other movies have had He Who Walks Behind The Rows as a big bad demon (or something along those lines) but this movie has taken that and made it into a game show host.  I’m not even joking when I say this.  He has a line that is “welcome to this is your death”.  How lame is that.  Big bad monster is now a fucking lame joke.  Then we toss in the fact that he is killed by…a simple had scythe to the stomach and it wasn’t even by surprise.  He was facing her at the time.  Okay it’s not as bad as fucking fertilizer but it’s pretty damn close especially he has the ability to make people shoot themselves and he can fucking fly.  All-around just a terrible movie.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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One Response to The Drudgeon reviews Children Of The Corn 666 – Isaac’s Return

  1. John Bruni says:

    Forget Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash; what I really want to see is He Who Walks Behind the Rows vs. the Amityville House . . . .

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