90 min., 1989
Directed by Monte Hellman
A quick guide to hitchhikers.
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The movie picks up six years after the events of Silent Night, Deadly Night – Part 2. Ricky Caldwell (now played by Bill Moseley) is still “alive” but he is in a coma. You see, the doctors thought it was a good idea to repair is brain that had been shot. So he lies in a hospital bed with a see-through plastic dome covering the top of his head (you can see his squishy brain) while Dr. Newbury (Richard Beymer) experiments with the psychic abilities of a girl named Laura Anderson (Samantha Scully) who is also blind. He is trying to get Laura to “communicate” with Ricky through dreams and it seems to be working because she is seeing the events of the first movie (almost like she was watching it on a DVD). After a bit of this she leaves and gets picked up by her brother Chris (Eric Da Re) and they pick up his girlfriend Jerri (Laura Harring). They are heading to their Granny’s (Elizabeth Hoffman) house for the holidays. Suddenly Ricky comes to, kills some people and hitchhikes (yes he hitchhikes in nothing but his hospital gown and a plastic dome on his head) his way to Granny’s as well. Does Ricky want Laura dead or is there more to him chasing her?
So the acting in the movie is pretty bad (even with Bill Moseley bringing in a good performance) and the effects are very cheap looking, but the thing that really grabbed my attention of the movie was one particular scene. So I’m going to pretty much ignore everything else about the movie and just bitch about that one scene.
So picture it like this. Bill Moseley’s character is walking down a highway in nothing but a hospital gown and a plastic, see-through dome that shows his brain and some liquid. Now that’s a pretty strange sight, right? So he is hitch-hiking and he actually gets picked up. Who the hell would pick up someone that looks like that? Okay so there may be a few weirdoes out there that would, but I think that even if they did they’d still ask a few questions about how he looks. Now the guy who picks him up really doesn’t and that’s just bizarre to me.
Now there are many different types of hitchhikers that you have the option of picking up and some of them are really sneaky, but others are really just obvious and if you pick them up you get exactly what happens to you.
The first type of hitchhiker is the average person. They are just looking to get from where they are to another place and that is all they want. Threat Level: Very very low.
The second type is the overly hot female. Usually they are only hitchhiking when it’s a group of horney guys (sometimes with their girlfriends) are driving. For the most part they just want to get somewhere but the guys decide to have a little extra fun (so the driver and not hitch-hiker is actually to blame) or they are a ruse to lead the guys to their demise. Threat Level: Low to medium.
The third is the a little strange and weird looking guy. Normally he’s actually a pretty nice guy, even though he is acting pretty strange. The main problem comes in when you accidently (or intentionally) mess with him or mock him. That’s when he turns from a little strange to very dangerous. Threat Level: medium to very high.
The fourth type is the lone man on an empty deserted road. Are you that fucking stupid? That should be a warning from the start, but sometimes it’s just someone down on their luck and if you don’t pick them up that is when the trouble starts. You see this type plays off of the thought of you being stuck in that situation. So it’s pretty much a double edged sword. My advice is to just pick them up and play any of their messed up games and hope for the best. Threat Level: Very High (in other words you’re pretty fucked).
The fifth type is the painfully obvious killer. You know, the type where they are holding a killing implement (knife, chainsaw, hammer, etc.), covered in blood, they are carrying a pretty big bag (big enough for a human body), or they give off some very strange glow that seems pretty otherworldly. This is probably the easiest and not the way you are thinking. Pick this guy up and give him a ride. You see, anytime it’s that obvious then that means that there is nothing wrong. The killing implement is just is actual profession, the blood isn’t actually blood, the bag is just holding his dirty clothes and the otherworldly glow is from the car’s headlights. This is the guy that really just wants to get off the street and get home. Threat Level: None.
Lastly is the guy from this movie. He doesn’t really fit into any of these categories and who the hell has a plastic bowl on their head? Avoid at all costs.
So in the end it’s pretty simple, don’t ever go driving and you will never have to worry about this shit. The movie is terrible and so is this movie.Have You Read...?