The Drudgeon reviews Total Retribution

Total Retributionaka Earthkiller (Original Title)
84 min., 2011
Written by Montserrat Mendez
Directed by Andrew Bellware
Language: English
My rating: ★

WHY!!!!!!!!! No no no no no no no no no no!!!!

* * *

We begin with a woman, who we later find out is an actual android, named Helen (Robin Kurtz) and there are a bunch of things flashing on the screen including her falling through the atmosphere and two people finding her on the ground.  She then wakes up naked in a room.  As she leaves the room, going into another room two people with guns enter that room and there is a slight standoff.  That’s when we find out that she is an android and that there are two different factions fighting to get onto the space station where they are right now.  They leave Helen and she ends up finding clothes.  We then meet some people who are infected with something and some more people with guns and a really bad CG “monster” and an attempt at a plot.

Let me see here.  Good acting?  No.  Good effects?  No.  Good story?  Nope.  Good script?  No.  So what did I get from this movie?  Nothing but a truck load of crap.  Do I really need to go into this movie more than this?  Okay I’ll give you a little more.

Normally I’m all over independent films and forgive them for their mistakes because (having no actual experience in making a movie from the ground up myself) it has to be hard to come up with an original concept, good effects and find really good actors (because you don’t want to hurt your friends’ feelings by not casting them, but you do want a good product) to bring your characters to life.  Then to satisfy asshole critics like me you have to make sure to have good editing, lighting, sound and everything else that goes on behind the camera.  I understand all of this, but at the same time if I just sat here and said how great it was I wouldn’t be helping (and yes I am trying to help with my bullshit reviews), and they might just keep churning out more crap instead of trying to get better.  No I’m not saying that my review will make a difference and I’ll help make the next Hitchcock, but if I can kick a director in the pants or piss off an actor enough they might just get better to shove it in my face.  In the end this movie was complete garbage and that’s about it, but Mr. Bellware, please prove me wrong and make your next movie great.  I will be waiting for you newest (skipping over Android Insurrection and Prometheus Trap).

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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