The Drudgeon reviews Splatter Beach

Splatter Beach 70 min., 2007
Written by John Polonia
Directed by John Polonia/Mark Polonia
Language: English
My rating: ★★★★★

The campiness of this movie is a complete win, and you also get Erin Brown!!!

* * *

So the movie begins with a couple, Rodney Spinner (Brice Kennedy) and Tonya Smith (Erika Smith) driving with a friend, Rupert Pine (Dave Fife), to a beach that is locally known as Splatter Beach.  When the name is brought up it seems that it has been given the name because of another place that is close by, Splatter Barn.  They get to a cabin that was owned by one of Rodney’s relatives and Rupert goes off to get some interviews from the locals, because there has been something strange going on and people have been disappearing.  Rupert has his ideas but most of the locals think it’s silly, especially Duke (Ken Van Sant) who just stands on the beach pumping iron.  Soon a local girl named Tess Gardner (Erin Brown) shows up while a band called the Rip Tides are playing and tries to warn everyone about the sea monsters.  No one listens except for Rupert.  The two decide to team up and hunt down these monsters.  Will Rupert Pine get his story and will Tess finally get revenge for her boyfriend that was killed by the monsters?

If you want to compare the acting in this movie to average movies, than the acting sucks, but you have to take into account that this movie is pretty much a parody (without “actually” being one) than the acting is dead on.  You have Brice Kennedy playing the stereotypical white guy that listens to rap.  “That stereo is wack” is just one example of how he talks, but he pulls it off perfectly.  On the other end of characters is Erin Brown who plays a character that just wants to be taken seriously and without problem she takes the role and pulls it off with no problem.

The effects are exactly what you should expect from a movie like this, corny, hokey, hammy and a whole lot of fun.  Men in rubber suits, fake skeletons and bodies without heads, in other words complete fun.

The best part about this movie (besides Erin Brown of course) is that it shows the cast and crew were just having a lot of fun.  There are about a dozen nods to other movies of this genre and every time one pops up they’re fun to hear (or see).  Now the real reason to watch this movie is for Erin Brown (aka Misty Mundae).  She is just beautiful and talented.  So the movie naturally gets four stars based on her, but even if she wasn’t in the movie it would actually get four stars anyway, and that says something about the fun level of the movie.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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