Duck! The Carbine High Massacre [Movie review by the Drudgeon]

Duck! The Carbine High Massacre101 min., 1999
Directed by William Hellfire & Joey Smack
My rating: 4 stars
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It’s so terrible it’s great!

* * *

The story follows the events of the Columbine High School massacre that happened one year earlier.  You have the two “teens” that can’t take the abuse any longer and start shooting up the school.  You see there is Derwin (William Hellfire) and his friend Derick (Joey Smack), both of with are neo-Nazis and the rest of the school treats them like crap.  Among the other students are the “stereotypical” jocks, pretty girl, they guy obsessed with his car and even a bible thumper.  As the movie moves along the two characters are picked on and while that is going on they are buying guns and creating bombs.  This goes on until the final confrontation where they start killing off the asshole students.

The acting is actually really terrible in the movie and there is very little in a way that I can defend it, then again the movie seems to not be taking itself all that serious to begin with so I guess it still works.  The best of the bunch, really big fucking surprise here, is Misty Mundae who plays the bible girl.  Normally she is on the other side of the fence but this time around it’s really fun to hear her talking about how great God is.  As an added bonus she looking really cute the way they have her dressed up.  It really does suit her well.

The effects…well…yeah.  That’s about all I can say about them.

One of the best parts about this movie is the character names.  The jock names are, Spam Jock (Michael Ovum) and Benchpress (Ryan Trimmer).  There is also the Play Girl (Lilly Tiger), Car Kid (Chris Perez) and finally Bible Girl.  Yep that is Misty Mundae playing a God loving girl.  It’s just great.  Now there are a number of problems with this movie, the overall acting, the really cheap look and the bad effects, but after a little while you kinda forget about that and start to enjoy the ride.  Everything is taken over the top, from how the parents watch their kids to the “brave” principle who is hitting on the students.  It’s a fun movie if you can just let go of the bad.

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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