81 min., 2006
Written by Michael Gingold/Richard Siegel
Directed by Derek Wan
My rating: ★★★★★
A bad zombie film, a bad voodoo film a women in prison film and a bad kung fu film all rolled into one.
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We begin with a man, Shadow (Tony Todd), practicing some black magic in a prison. When he is about to be put to death he turns the tide and makes his blood start going everywhere. A riot breaks out and everything goes to hell. We then jump to the near future where the prison is now a woman’s prison run by the cruel Warden Danvers (Nina Hodoruk) and there is a new girl being brought in. Her name is Solitaire (Carla Greene) and she makes it pretty clear that she just wants to be left alone. She runs into a scene where a girl, Crystal (the stunning Erin Brown), is being picked on by the tough Mondo (Tatianna Butler). A fight breaks out and we then meet the doctor of the prison, Dr. Swann (Michael Quinlan), who is having sex with an inmate. After meeting him we move on to other things that are happening. Crystal has had enough and tries to run away but she hurts her leg and as the blood enters the grass (where Shadow was buried) she is dragged under. A little later zombies start coming out of the ground and Shadow is back to get some more blood. Can Solitaire stop Shadow in time to save everyone or did I just stop watching once Erin Brown’s character was killed?
This is the spot of the movie that actually surprised me a bit. You see I was expecting completely terrible acting and instead of that I got just terrible acting. There were actually some pretty tolerable performances that got through. Erin Brown did great (as usual) and she makes everyone else look like complete amateurs, except for Tony Todd. Now you have to understand that I have a love/hate feeling about Tony Todd. He is a really good actor, but for some reason there is just an insane amount of crap that he has done. This time around he is actually pretty good. Don’t get me wrong in that thinking that he is actually watchable, because this whole movie is pretty unwatchable, but compared to most he is great. The rest of the cast have to be people that they picked up off the street and offered cookies to or they are actual actors that really are doing this for the money and not the credit.
The effects are just laughable and if I even try to go into more of it my head may just explode. Then again that would be more enjoyable than the movie.
In the end this is just a pretty sad film. There is really nothing to watch except for Erin Brown. The overall plot is fine, but the execution is just really poorly done. In different hands or in hands that actually want to take it to the next level, this movie can actually be really fun. Sadly that is not the case and we are stuck with this. I’m willing to be stuck anywhere with Misty Mundae though.Have You Read...?