The Drudgeon reviews Vampire Strangler

Vampire Strangler 92 min., 1999
Written by William Hellfire
Directed by Bill Hellfire
Language: English
My rating: ★

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!  Misty Mundae is cheating on me!

* * *

So our movie begins with a girl named Lydia (Misty Mundae) who is about to take a bath.  She gets naked and gets in.  After about a minute a man’s hands appear and through (the Force maybe) he starts to make her all horny.  Then he starts to choke her until she passes out.  She wakes up and then it switches to her trying to sleep.  She is woken by those hands choking her again, until she passes out again.  Next she is invited to go roller-skating by her cousin Billy (William Hellfire), but the problem is that she did wear any panties and when she falls over, Billy gets a great idea.  They have sex and then other things happen.  Is this all the movie has to offer?

Now I try to look for the good in all of Misty Mundae’s movies but this one just really surprised me at how bad it is.  It seems to have been recorded on a VHS camera and edited with two VCRs.  The camera work is terrible and the acting is completely terrible, except for Misty of course.  This seems like a really bad amateur porno and the only way that Mr. Hellfire could convince Misty of doing it is by telling her that there is an actual plot.  When she actually said yes it seems that he just scrambled to come up with some completely lame idea that never goes anywhere.  The main problem I have with this movie is that Misty is cheating on me (with her then boyfriend).  I don’t think I could ever forgive her for this.  The movie is terrible in every form, but that is just unforgivable.  Misty how could you?

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About The Drudgeon

I don't remember my real name or where I came from. All I know is that I'm traped in an underground cave with nothing but a TV, DVD player and a notebook and pen. They keep calling me The Drudgeon, I don't even know what that means. Someone keeps dropping horror movies in and yelling at me to watch them and write about what I watch. Then I eat the DVD and case, because they tell me if I consume the horror I will understand the horror. I think there are three of them. So if you are reading this right now, HELP ME!!!!!!! OUCH!!!! Someone just poked me with a sea urchin attacked to a pool cue, what the fuck is going on?
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