80 min., 2013
Written by Craig Moss
Directed by Craig Moss
My rating: ★
Parodies… Pair-o-deez nuts!
* * *
I would like to begin this film review by saying I actually liked “A Haunted House” and no, it’s not because I’m black. I like goofy comedy parodies some times. This movie had funny moments for me, and I could just chill and laugh until it ended. It is by no means a good parody, as in cleverly written jokes that play well from start to finish, or good in the sense that it was inspired in some way to surpass the material it was poking fun at. It was just a film that caught me at the right time and got a few laughs out of me.
That being said, not all parodies can just be funny and catch you in a good mood. I can see how that film rated so lowly with my fellow reviewers, or even you fine readers at home. But this film is a clusterfuck of tragically unwatchable, poorly placed and acted sight gags, and blatantly unfunny jokes. It suffers from oversaturation. They just tried to get any film that was popular in the last ten years and cram a moment or element from it into this film. It has been a long time since I saw so much happening on screen and felt so little. I wasn’t just bored, I felt insulted that this was supposed to get any reaction from me other than disgust or boredom.
I will be brief in describing this eye raping diagram, but here we go. It’s yet again another paranormal activity parody with a little of “The Devil Inside” mixed in, since the main female character has a father that killed the cast of “The Artist” during an exorcism and is being held in a mental hospital in Rome. Her teenage daughter is the girl with the dragon tattoo, and her youngest kid is being cared for by a flamboyantly gay male nanny. This little bundle of joy is the one that is wanted by dark forces just like “Hunter” from the original paranormal flick. Now that that’s out of the way, you pile on a few “Last Exorcism”, “Ghost Hunters”, “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter”, “Black Swan” and “Amityville” jabs and you have whatever this thing is.
I’ve only been able to say this one other time in the time I’ve reviewed for this site, but as woefully underwhelmed as I was, I can’t in good conscience recommend that anyone see this film, EVER. Hopefully my review saved you some time, trouble, and a rental fee at the Redbox, since the creative minds behind it knew there was no way this would get a theater release. Until next time, may all your films (excluding this one) bring you fright.Have You Read...?