John Bruni reviews WOLFCOP

Wolfcop
79 min., 2015
Directed by Lowell Dean
Language: English
My rating: ★★★★

There had better be another one of these being made.

* * *

The unapologetically named Lou Garou (Leo Fafard) is a hard-drinking cop on the edge, but not the dangerous kind. No, he’s kind of a lazy dude who probably should have been thrown off the force ages ago for being useless. Good thing he works in a small town, so there isn’t a lot to do, anyway. Well, there is the annual hunting event in which everyone in town gets hammered and goes out into the woods to shoot at animals. That sounds pretty dangerous. But no one seems to be very concerned about that.

Lou fuckin’ drinks. He should be best friends with Billy Bob in Bad Santa, he drinks that much. When he’s leaving for work in the opening scene he has to stop the car so he can open the door and puke. From his response, it’s safe to say this is an everyday occurrence for him. Everyone thinks of him as the village idiot. His boss and his coworker, Tina (the Employee of the Month for every month, apparently; played excellently by Amy Matysio), think he’s a loser. The only one who seems cool with him is Jessica, the bartender (played very sexily by Sarah Lind). It’s pretty clear that she has a sexual attraction to him, which probably baffles everyone in town.

The point is, Lou is going nowhere fast, and he’s doing so with a blood alcohol level around .4. Imagine his surprise when he’s attacked in the woods and, thanks to a satanic ritual, is turned into a werewolf. The next day he sees he has a pentagram carved into his chest. Everything is so much louder than usual. And when he shaves his stubble grows back immediately. So what is he to do with this gift?

Oh yeah. It’s time to take out some scumbags. For example, there is a gang of methheads on the outskirts of town. Lou makes a few adjustments to his car, grabs a bunch of weapons, and heads out to beat the shit out of these dirtbags. Please take that to mean that he pulls people’s heads off, tears a dude’s face off, etc.

This is a dark, gory, funny movie. There’s a lot of craziness boiling in this pot, and it’s all over the top. It might not have worked if not for Fafard’s acting. He plays Lou like a guy who has just given up and has accepted his lot in life. That’s kind of a downer, but he has this charm about him. You can’t help but like the guy. It’s great that he has Matysio to play off against. She’s very good at her job, and she’s pissed that she’s always got to cover for him. But in the end they make the perfect team.

The effects are great. When Lou transforms into a werewolf for the first time there is a great moment when his wolf dick brutally pushes out of his human dick. It’s obviously a dildo, but it still managed to look incredibly painful. When that guy at the meth house gets his face ripped off, eyes and all, it looks very fucked up. And when Tina finds Lou’s old face in the bar bathroom . . . wow. She actually holds it up and says, “It looks like you.”

There is a lot of that kind of humor in this film. The coroner (James Whittingham) is the cause of a lot of it. When he shows up at a homicide scene and balances his doughnut on the corpse’s knee to put his gloves on . . . amazing. And it’s done with very little fanfare. It’s just a thing that happens. Even better: when he puts on one of the gloves, two of his fingers rip through. You don’t see that a lot in movies that involve this sort of thing.

Best of all, the humor isn’t wacky. This is a very serious movie with a lot of funny shit happening in it. The twists are shockingly unexpected. One of them even hurts pretty badly because it involves a very likeable character not being who (s)he seems. Very little in this movie is as it seems. There’s something else going on under the surface, and when it’s revealed it is a genuine surprise.

You need to see this movie immediately. Drop what you’re doing and get on Netflix. Do this right now.

(PS: Good news! Regarding that aforementioned thing about hoping there’s another one of these being made: IMDB says there’s a sequel called Another Wolfcop. It doesn’t have a lot of other info, though. Maybe it just hasn’t been released yet. Also, the awesome poster art is a direct reference to Cobra, which is wonderful!)

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About John Bruni

John Bruni is the author of DONG OF FRANKENSTEIN (New Kink), POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS and TALES OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE (StrangeHouse) and STRIP (Riot Forge). His short work has appeared in anthologies like A HACKED-UP HOLIDAY MASSACRE (Pill Hill), ZOMBIE! ZOMBIE! BRAIN BANG! (StrangeHouse) and the critically acclaimed VILE THINGS (Comet). He edited STRANGE SEX 3 for StrangeHouse, and he was the editor and publisher of TABARD INN: TALES OF QUESTIONABLE TASTE. Find out more at www.talesofquestionabletaste.com and www.talesofunspeakabletaste.blogspot.com.
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